MY BLOG IS 7 INCHES LONG

On a whim, I decided to check out the latest craze in music entertainment. The MEGA CONCERT. This mega concert was entitled "Q-Ruption", a clever name play on the radio station Q103 and it's general lack of originality. What this means to ME is that between every act, those WACKY DJ's from the Free Beer and Hot Wings show come out on stage to speak to the crowd and to make poor attempts to get the crowd whipped up into a lather. Free Beer and Hot Wings? This is the best they could come up with when Howard Stern left terrestrial radio? Really?

Anyway, The concert was all set to start at 6:30, but the mongoloids at Ticket Master conveniently moved it back an hour and told everyone two days before the concert. Thanks assholes! So this meant that I had to hop in the car and drive so fast that there was a risk of going back in time....well....if I was driving a Delorean and had enough Plutonium to get the 88 Jigawatz required for such things. But I digress.

We get to the concert and are forced to park all the way in the back, along the fence line. I guess this makes sense, as we are getting there right as the concert starts (THANKS AGAIN TICKETMASTER!). As we make our way up to the venue, they start parking every one who came in even later up front by the entrance. Thanks Saratoga Performing Arts Center (flips bird in general direction of Saratoga).

So we head in and find our seats after taking a moment for my friend to grab a $20 beer and for me to point out that a few shitheads brought their 6 year olds to the concert. REALLY??? I can only imagine it is so Sully from Godsmack can sing "Cryin' Like A Bitch" to them. Boy will THEY feel silly when they get called out...

Anyhoo....here comes the opener :


These guys came out with the best of intentions with the bald lead singer pulling off the David Draiman look and the bass player thrashing and beating on his bass like there's no tomorrow. The drummer is louder than everyone, which is ok because the manic beat he is pounding out gets all 20 people at the front of the stage jumping up and down. The first song they play is Taking You Down and even though I have no idea who the fuck these guys are...I enjoyed it. The band then rocks out four or so other songs, including their first single White Rabbit (which I had also not heard of). I give them an A for effort though because they tried hard.....well....too hard. Ok actually I am demoting them to a solid B because in between every single song they made the rookie rock band mistake of trying to get the crowd on it's feet. DUDE. There are like ONE HUNDRED PEOPLE ASSEMBLED HERE. The next 200 are in the beer and food area not listening and the other 1,500 people are still on the road and either didn't know of the concert start time change (THANKS TICKET MASTER!)....or they are being fashionably late as they are here to see GODSMACK and simply don't wish to rush here to see the next SemiSonic/Tantric/Cowboy Mouth/Insert-Flash-In-The-Pan-Band-Here. The lead singer and bass player took turns telling us to get to our "motherfucking feet". Sorry pal. If there were more people out there then I guess I wouldn't feel stupid getting up in row DOUBLE J out in the middle of left fucking field.

Anyway, they are off to the concession stands to sell T-Shirts but not before asking the audience if they were ready to see all the bands coming next. They must have been told to read off the list one at a time and then pause to allow for the audience to scream in excitement. man that has to suck. You just sang your ass off for five songs straight trying to win over new fans and then you have to say "ARE YOU GUYS READY FOR SICK PUPPIES? HOW ABOUT SKILLET? AND WHAT ABOUT THAT BAND FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH?" while all the while making the audience forget the name Egypt Central!

So they take off, the stage is struck and the next band is ready to go up. We can see from the banner that it will be :


...I guess Egypt Central didn't rate a banner as I don't remember seeing one....and that's when the mutiny begins. Now I understand that in the front row...you're gonna jump up out of your feet to stand in front of the stage, thus making yourself an astounding FIVE FEET CLOSER to the sweaty performers, and thus making it virtually impossible for the poor bastards behind you to see the lead singers ankles and prompting those people to stand as well causing a chain reaction where MORE people behind THEM have to get up, etc etc.....but I'm in fucking row DOUBLE J fer cryin' out loud. There are perhaps 20 people in the back left hand corner of the audience seating...and the fucking douche nozzle couple three seats in front of me have to stand up and shake their hips. REALLY MOTHERFUCKERS? Thankfully they have a video camera on each side of the stage so I can watch the video screens instead.

Anyway, they rock out to several tunes of theirs, including their radio friendly hits, Riptide, Maybe and You're Going Down. The lead singer is better on the mike than the E.C. guys were. He has a bigger crowd than the last band, and he plays up to the crowd with a rousing combination of smirks, jokes, and middle fingers....and knew enough to not scream GET THE FUCK OFF YOUR FUCKING FEET to the beer soaked audience. The best part had to be somewhere in the middle of the set when the band played up to the crowd with a cheap crowd popping teaser of Killing In The Name Of...before stopping half way through and switching to Cee Lo Green's Fuck You instead. Yeah I don't think this would end so well for these guys normally....but it was such a shock when he played that song out of nowhere that it worked and the crowd gleefully screamed FUCK YOU at every opportunity. (did I mention that there were several 6 year olds or so in the audience?)

Sick Puppies finish their set and then those WACKY DJs come out to ask us if we too are ready for Skillet (YEEEAAAAHHHHHH), Five Finger Death Punch (WOOOOOO) and Godsmack (AHHHHHHHH) (you get the point) They thank everyone for coming out and blah blah blah get the fuck off my stage.

20 minutes later and it's time for Christian rockers :
Now this band I wanted to see more than S.P. because they have some good rocking tunes...and they are a Christian band so you just know I am getting some good Karma with God for liking them. By this time a couple in their late 40's/early 50's take a seat behind the dancin' fools from before....and when Skillet comes out...it is at that time that I realize that this tall drink a' cocksucker is 7 feet tall and HE LIKES TO STAND TOO. *GARRRRRRR* So now I am forced to stand up for the entire set. Bleah.


Skillet made up for it by sending out a violinist and a cellist clad in an all white ensemble...yeahbutwhaaaaaa? No shit. A fucking cellist. But it's ok...His cello was TOTALLY METAL. It was stripped down to just the neck and strings and it had not one but TWO kick stands he used to stand it up with. He was all like "MOTHER FUCKIN' POPSICKLES BITCH" and I was all like "WOAH BABY! YOU CAN PUT SOMEONE'S EYE OUT WITH THAT" and he was all like "FUCK YEAH."


Like I said....TOTALLY METAL.

So Skillet has even more asses in the seats and the crowd was really into Skillet's set. They played some songs off their last album and off the current album...and then they almost lost their audience when the lead singer reminds us that we are in a war....and I think to myself "please don't say for our souls" and he says..."not in Iraq....for our SOULS" (I slap my head like I could have had a V8). He says something about not being embarrassed about the Gospel of Christ and then they jump into one of their best songs (of the uh....four that I know)....Awake And Alive. Totally rocked. They then rock out Monster for us and soon their set is over....that is, once they ask us if HEY! ARE YOU EXCITED ABOUT THE NEXT BAND?? DID YOU KNOW THERE WAS ANOTHER BAND COMING? REALLY? Ugh. The things people have to do to get their stage time. Poor bastids. I do find it amusing that a Christian band is opening for a band called GODSMACK. Let that sink in for a moment....heh. Honestly though, Godsmack got their name from the story of one of the band members making fun of another band member for having a cold sore on his mouth and then a week later the sore was gone and the band member who made fun of his friend now had the sore on his own mouth and the first guy said "See that? That's God smacking you down for making fun of my cold sore!" and hence, a band name was born.

So Skillet takes off and we suffer through the douche crew from Q again..And then it's time for :

I wasn't expecting much....but I have to admit...they impressed me. Skillet was awesome because they had a lead guitarist who actually had interesting solos to listen to...and so did FFDP. FFDP had two guitarists and they seemed to share the solo's...Which was cool. The lead singer was also more charismatic as well. It seemed that every singer got more and more charismatic as the night went on. This guy though...he slayed me. He comes out with no socks or shoes on, and talks more with his hands than I do. I mean this guy can't say two words without his hand moving up, down or side to side. He looks like a mime with Downs Syndrome. The band runs through part of their set and then they too start playing cover songs....beginning with Pantera's Walk...until the lead singer's like nahhh nah nah forget that....try something else....so the lead guitarist switches to Crazy Train by Ozzy. nope. The singer is not satisfied. So to placate him, he tries Smoke On The Water by Deep Purple and the lead singer is like "Are you kidding me!?!?!?!" and then starts wagging his fist in front of his crotch to let the guy know how he really feels...which contrary to the motion...is not too good. Then they break into the real reason they are here, which is their cover of Bad Company's Bad Company (no that's not a typo for anyone born circa 1990 or later). Then, before they play Under And Over It, the singer lets us in on some rumor control. He hates the internet and just has to clear things up.

Rumors he cleared up :

He has 14 kids from various women - MMMMMaybe True.

He is addicted to drugs - False.

He has a huge penis - .........False. he is Irish and hung like his pinky.

Oh well you can't win them all.

So FFDP wraps it up and it's time for the main event!


When they finally come out ...the people are off their seats and goin' banana. God comes out and runs through Cryin' Like A Bitch out of the gate. I'll admit...I was kinda underwhelmed by this one. I wanted more. They then cracked out other classics throughout their set like Straight Out Of Line and Awake before hitting on one of the other hits I wanted to see and that was Love, Hate, Sex, Pain (or as I like to call it, "Booty Call From My Ex-Girlfriend")...not to mention Voodoo and Keep Away.

That's when they got to the highlight of the entire night for me. Battala De Los Tambores...also known as the best Goddamn drum solo I have ever seen. No shit. The drummer's set drives out into center stage and he starts bashing the skins. Ok...I dig the beat. What-evs. Then Sully drives out in a second drum kit and he's bashing on the bongos so hard it would put John Stamos' drumming in that Beach Boys video to shame! So Sully drives the crowd into a frenzy with his showboating on the bongos and I figure he is done...little realizing that he was just getting warmed up. he then turns around and starts bashing the skins himself, and he and the drummer go at it for five minutes of synchronized drumming while the guitarist and bassist keep the rhythm going on the ramp behind them. I mean I haven't seen something take a beating like that since Rodney King (FUCK YOU THAT'S FUNNY). Sure, if you are a big Godsmack fan, you probably already know this shit happens on probably every dang tour they do...but I was not prepared for it. Loved it.

Unfortunately due to prior commitments, I had to get outta dodge before the encore...which was Serenity and I Stand Alone. We actually left during Whatever (heh...appropriate...) and that would have bummed me out had it not been for the mind blowing drum solo. That, and being on my feet for the last three out of five acts...yeah I am fuckin' tired too. Five bands in one sitting is still five bands in one sitting.

The Good :

Godsmack's Battala De Los Tambores (click link below)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MTXv8xPBGww

...And the rest of the Godsmack drumming. For a drummer he looks a little on the lean side. I mean someone hand him a sandwhich! Stat! Other than the fact that his arms are skinnier than Iggy Pop or your average aborted fetus...his drumming was kick ass. He played in the vein of Rikki Rocket from the Poison videos of the 80's. I mean he was NOT boring AT ALL. He was really fun to watch.

Skillet's set in general...and the lead guitarist. His solos always kicked ass.

Sick Puppies doing Fuck You by Cee Lo Green.

Five Finger Death Punch's cover parade followed by their Bad Company cover...and their two lead guitarists. They shredded pretty good by my estimation.

Egypt Central's Taking You Down - It got me in the mood for live music from that first note.

The Bad :

The Bass playing. Sure Egypt Central's bassist tried hard and had a ton of energy....it didn't even look like he was playing that thing. Same goes for the hot female bass player for Sick Puppies. She plucked, strummed and finger popped the strings but the wall of sound I kept hearing was like....the same wave of of one-note sound as the last song. Once in awhile she would play a progression of notes and it sounded like she could play, yet she always had her back to the crowd so I have no idea if she was actually the one playing. ::Shrugs:: The bassist for Skillet was okeedokee...but he is more of a Kip Winger bassist...IE he plays a minimum of notes and does not play any rhythm outside the vocal posts he is hitting....still better than FFDP's bassist who tortured his bass and looked like was rubbing a cheese grater on it (and sounded about the same). Can he play? Yeah I'm sure...but when the sound is turned up to 11 no one is ever going to know. Godsmack's Bass player was great, plucking his way through all their hits....when he wasn't passing out drum sticks to the front row.

The lead guitarist for Godsmack also goes in this category as he had ZERO energy. Looked like he had about a million better places to be. Strike that. he had NEGATIVE energy...he actually sucked enjoyment out of me because I felt bad for making him entertain me! That and he is guitar solos were a mess of wiggala wiggala weeeeer over and over again. Slash does a solo...it's different from the last. Same flavor...so you know it's him...but different from song to song. Didn't feel that way here.

Actually a lot of the guitar work was more feedback than actual notes. Again, you turn that shit up to 11 then you hear a wall of sound more than intricate notes.

The UGLY :

The women there. I mean holy shit. I was surrounded by either Goth chicks, fugly chicks, or OLD chicks. That was the surprise there. Yah I'm forty now...but there was some 50 year olds there and people with white hair. I was like....seriously WTF? Shouldn't you be at a YANNI concert? There is nothing more sad than the woman wearing some kind of sequined mini skirt looking all shiny....and seeing that she had a pair of flannel shorts underneath, because she obviously realized that she hasn't been able to pull that look off since Reagan and the Iran Contra Affair (look it up n00bs).

Now go click on my feedback or risk making me come to your house and ask you why. Trust me....the last thing you want to see is this in your living room...

Think of the children!

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