MY BLOG IS 7 INCHES LONG

WHY I HATE POLITICS
(AND EVEN WORSE PEOPLE WHO TALK ABOUT THEM)

There is nothing worse in this world than someone with a working knowledge of politics who is not *IN* politics TALKING about politics....

WHY do I hate politics? Well! Allow me to retort!

#1 - The Party System - Why must you be a Democrat or a Republican or an independent? Why can't you just go into that frickin' big room with the microphones and just vote what you feel is best for the country? Gee. This bill banning abortion makes sense to me! I'll vote for it! But wait! I can't because it is a Democrat bill and they are the root of all evil! Darn! Oh well.
Seriously? WTF! Yes...people do cross party lines blah blah blah. Save your comments for the Rush Limbaugh Show. I ain't interested. Put it to you this way....Here's how I feel about the different parties....

# 2 - Salaries - You want to help the friggin' deficit? Here's an idea...A PAY CUT WOULD BE NICE. Seriously, You guys continually vote yourselves raises....and wonder why people hate you. How about term limits for every top job in government? Sure the President has a limited term...but how long was Senator Kennedy a friggin' senator? Or at least a salary cap. This job is worth X dollars no matter if it is 1977 or if it's 2015. Oh that's not fair, right? Well...I guess if you had been doing your job keeping inflation in check then your salary would be buying you a better class of prostitute (the kind with teeth anyway).

# 3 - Mixing Business with Pleasure and then business again - Bill Clinton, Eliot Spitzer, some gay yet still married to a woman New Jersey Governor. Yes. They cheated on their wives. Here's an idea. How about you let the wives deal with the potential ass kicking (or threesomes if you are slick enough....yeah I'm talkin' to you Bill Clinton!). What does it have to do with his ability to run the government. But wait...that means we can't trust him! Hi. How ya doin'. You uh....know you have a sheep sitting on your face or did it sneak up and pull itself over your eyes? Yah. THEY'RE POLITICIANS ASSHOLE. YOU COULDN'T TRUST THEM TO BEGIN WITH! You mean to tell me if someone cures cancer tomorrow you are going to stone him to death before he writes down the answer because he got a handjob from a coworker in the lab one night?





















Say what you will but I was paying 99 cents a gallon with this dog loving, cigar chompin', intern screwing cheating husband. I for one can turn a blind eye to him sampling the goods. :P

# 4 - Welfare Reform - Never happen. I believe that it is merely one of those hot button issues politicians use to make you think they care. They should just walk up to the podium for the debate and say "Abortion! Welfare! Taxes! Oil! Stem Cells! Iraq!" and then walk away. Guarantee he's the next President. Solving the welfare problem is simple. If you are on it...you have to produce. Not kids idiot! Produce a valid excuse to BE on welfare. How is that it just so happens that you...your wife and alllllll 6 kids of yours are ALL too impaired to get jobs? Really? Ok fine. Here's what we're going to do.

A) We take away their right to vote. You don't pay taxes...you don't get to decide the direction this country is going in.

B) We make it illegal for anyone under the age of 18 to have children. People are clamoring for babies to adopt. So if you get pregnant...we take it and give it to someone who WANTS to have a child because they have love in their hearts...not because they didn't pull out in time. This will alleviate the need for NEW Welfare recipients. You have a child under that age then you pay the price. The price being some jail time. Yeah...we might have some over crowding issues...but I have a plan for that too (see below). And besides...I was paying for this dumb slut's food and room and board anyway...so I'll still pay for it...just on my terms. >:P

...and finally...

C) We change the way Food Stamps work. There's this thing called W.I.C. (Women Infant Children). It says you get the bare essentials for your kids. Milk. Eggs. Plain Cereal. Formula. Peanut Butter. THAT IS HOW FOOD STAMPS SHOULD BE IN GENERAL. No more steak. No more Lobster. No more of ANY FOOD that contains a certain level of sugar....because I am not paying for your fucking Diabetes either asshole. You want cereal great....you have a choice. Cheerios...King Vitamin...and Ka motherfuckin' BOOM. Get it? Problem solved! You make Welfare no fun to be on...then the leeches will leave! HELLO!

# 5 - Big Brother - The U.S. always has to save the world from itself. Why do we keep overstepping our bounds?

Abortion - Ask yourself this. How many people in politics are women? Like...5%? Secondly, do you have a uterus? If not then why is it that you feel like it is your job to decide what a woman does with it? I am pro-choice for no other reason than because I don't have a uterus. (well...not since I fell off my bike when I was 7......no wait that was my appendix nevermind) I don't think I would ever want to tell someone that I think they need an abortion....but it is their body...their choice. And if you feel like debating this...well don't. If a girl wants to have an abortion, and you stop her....she will find a way to do it. Be it throw herself down a flight of stairs, smoking/drinking/drugs, or abandoning it in a train station trashcan. As disgusting as that sounds...it happens people.

The Stimulus Plan - Why am I bailing out greedy mortgage companies who are just going to thank me by FORECLOSING ON MY FUCKING HOUSE. Fannie Mae goes under....well who's going to be there to foreclose on John Q. Public's house now? Fuck it. He gets a free house, right? Who am I to argue? Now...no one bothered to bail out the poor folks who were stupid enough to think that they could handle the strain of a $1,000 a month mortgage on a stockboy's salary. Nooooo. He still gets screwed. Let's bail out the greedy fucks with the Golden Parachutes! Makes sense to me! Hey...next let's go bail out the auto industry for kicks too. Mark my words...the colleges will be next because the kids can't keep up with the ridiculous student loans they are allowed to take out. Never mind the fact that I could wipe my ass with half the degrees out there. No lie. I have seen and worked with college graduates who can't spell half the words they type. Forget about punctuation too. Yet they probably make more money than me because they have a "degree" in French.

Iraq - We're there for the oil! No! The people need democracy! Nononononono! It's those damnable weapons of mass destruction! Let's see...we didn't find WMD's...the people over there hate our guts and are still fractured into what....5 different groups? And as far as oil goes...The price doubled under the Bush administration, and remains elevated today. Brilliant.

Afghanistan - Oh noooo! The Taliban are oppressing us. waaaaah. Hey assholes. I remember a time when we were oppressed....it was by a whole country by the name of "England". You may have heard of it. By the way...we whupped their asses. We used these things we got called "GUNS" and got the courage to use them because we had these things called "TESTICLES".

But since you are having trouble in that department...I am going to help you. Not because you idiots deserve it...but because I am selfish. We have this problem in the U.S. We have too many people in need of an attitude adjustment. Yes, I am talking about our over populated prison system. So here it is...

Two Birds. One Stone.

Nooooooo, not the sequel to the world's most popular web sensation (google it if you dare).....but a viable solution!

First thing we do is take all the especially bad prisoners....IE : the killers, the wanna-be "gangsta" killers, the child molesters, and for the sheer enjoyment of it...Bernie Madoff. We round them all up and load them into planes. Strap in knuckleheads...it's going to be a long trip! When the prisoners arrive and step off the plane they are gonna notice three things. First is all the damn sand. It's pretty much everywhere. The second thing they will notice is a bag with a map and instructions inside it which will show what they need to find....what they need to do, and one global cellular phone to use for when the job is done. The last thing they will find is
crates of guns and crates of ammo with instructions on how they are loaded.

WELCOME TO AFGHANISTAN.

Yes folks, it's time to put your skills to good use for once. Your objective is one thing. Killin' Nazis! I.....wait...that was the plot to Inglourious Basterds.....uh....wait I know what it was. Your objective is to remove every terrorist, shoe bomber, and suicide bomber in Afghanistan, Pakistan, and any surrounding Muslim territory, including burning down their training camps, and putting Osama Bin Laden in a room with all the aforementioned child molesters, preferably dressed in a diaper.

When you have completed your mission, feel free to call for your pick up.
Until then, we'll be watching from a safe distance....like say......Canada. Think about it. Win win. If the murderers and pedophiles do their job, natural selection will do ours. If they run away....they'll be Afghanistan's problem....Iran's if we're lucky. Sure some of the smarter ones will make their way back to U.S. Soil....but by the time they get back...man they won't ever wanna go back into the system again. A win all around.

Now do me a favor....if you are still with me that is....Please don't bother me with your rhetoric about how I know nothing about politics and have an IQ of 12. I don't have an IQ of 12...it's 47. So there. :P You wanna shut me up....re-read my post here and go do something about it. Peace.